Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I Was Forced To Buy Yarn.....

by.......unseen forces that don't give a fig that I will be knitting all this yarn in a cardboard box under a bridge in my old age. Which is not that far away. Now. Which one of these two should be the Adamas shawl?

The top two of the Zephyr JaggerSpun silk/wool blend.

They don't name yarns the way they do lipsticks, do they? I would love that job but undoubtedly there's more to it.

The other is a Kid Merino by Crystal Palace Yarns. I still mourn their retail shop, Straw Into Gold, off Ashby.

And these are the yarns for Rachel's scarf. (And if you're reading this Rachel, don't get your hopes up. It takes me approximately eleventy million years to finish anything. I need a good stitch and/or pattern too. Do you like fringe? )

I picked this all up at The Yarn Boutique in Lafayette....it's a little hard to find down the "alley" but it's conveniently located right past the Lafayette Book Store. I did manage to not buy any books there (mainly by not venturing in).

Oh, and watch Bleak House on Sunday nights at 9pm. I caught the second episode (but not the first) (out of six) and it was riveting. I've got to read the book now. But now, or after the mini series is over? I don't want to spend the next four episodes yelling at my TV That's five people you're combining! And why would X be doing that when it was Y who .......gah. I try to see the film version first.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Half Moon Bay and the rest of the weekend....

But first, cable update. I timed one pattern repeat (4 rows) took me approximately 20 minutes. So I'm speeding along at the rate of and inch and a half an hour. If I want this to be 60 inches long it's going to take 40 Four OMG Tee hours. It's soooo purrty and soft though!

Fengari's yarn shop in Half Moon Bay. What you think I drove to the Pacific Ocean to look at the beach? They had the colorway of the La Gran mohair yarn I've been looking for, but thankfully for my pocketbook, in the entire time the three of us were shopping there, not a single person came up to me. I'm not sure there was even a salesclerk there, but the yarns, and the scarves to show off the yarns were beautiful.

Okay, okay, we had to go to the beach. But I bet if Rachel had realized how long we were going to be in the yarn store, she wouldn't have been so accomodating about being on the beach for barely an hour! (Yes, she would have. But she shouldn't!)

Driftwood Beach.........well, really San Gregorio Beach. But heck of driftwood. I have a lovely picture of the bridge and the beach, but a big fat truck tire threw itself into the center of the picture when I wasn't looking so I'm punishing it by not posting it. Historical Marker for San Gregorio.... apparently they were looking for Monterey Bay, overshot it, camped here 3 days and then went to the City, like any self respecting tourist ought to do.

This is actually the beach we hit first, Redondo Beach. The only way down to the beach we could see was to rappel the cliff.........possibly the tide pool raincoat clad gang there knew any easier way. So not exactly at the ocean's floor yet.

......Redondo Beach, Pacific Ocean...........notice no rain? We drove home in it though. Hate driving in the rain and the dark.

Gratuitous kitty shot. Hezekiah, taking her morning sun.

Oh, and today? Today after church (possibly I skipped the last hymn, but....but....) I went with Adrienne and had the best massage at The Oasis in Brentwood (not that Brentwood, CA), lunch at the Red Lobster (which could honestly, consist entirely of their cheese biscuits) and then home to work on the World's Ugliest socks, an hour and a half out of my life for an inch of cable, started reading How Mumbo Jumbo Conquered the World (a library book, they just jump to the head of the pack) and now - What's on TV? Funny you should ask. Practically nothing. Law & Order Criminal Intent is a repeat, I'm not in the mood to sob over Cold Case (plus, it's after 8pm already. Already! Computers). Nova looked interesting tonight. Oh, and Crossing Jordan. But Jordan is a moron for throwing J.D. over for Woody. Good grief.

Friday, January 27, 2006

TV. It's Here For Good

And it's good for you! Spares you the "talking to others". Gives you fodder for when "talking to others". Eats into your free time. Is educational. Addictive. Honestly, how can you not watch? It's right there! At least it is in my house.

Right. Dancing With the Stars. Well, no wonder Master P is so bad. He's practiced 20 hours compared to the others 130 hours? I think he lacks natural talent, or at least lacks the will to go for it. I think the judges are a bit mean to him, but honestly, what did he think he'd be doing in ballroom dance? Standing stock still while naked women gyrate around him? Okay, sure, if he was dancing w/Lisa Rinna.

Drew Lachey was the best, hands down.

Tonight? Stargate SG1. Stargate Atlantis. Battlestar Galactica. The results half of Dancing With The Stars, but I wouldn't skip Stargate SG1 for it. I'll be taping the Sci Fi channel and hopefully, hopefully! finishing the polarfleece jacket tonight. Ahem. Editing again to bring you this link Connection Failed Stargate Style.

This weekend, on BookTV, check out Simon Winchester. I would have been at that reading, if only I ever followed up on any plans I make.

And in knitting news, I frogged my scarf. It was rolling. Grrrrr. I tried to block it (okay, the bottom half while on the needles, why?) and it still rolled. Phhhht. Then I frantically searched the house for the Unfinished Ongoing Vest From Hell because I realized I hadn't even seen it since I went on vacation - and found it stuffed in a pillowcase in the closet. Did I do that? Must have. So I will finish that first. I will. I will!

One of my favorite old pix of Sheba. She's two or three there, in the two bedroom apartment she & I split in Lafayette, and what she's standing on is the microwave in the kitchen. In those days, the kitchen was mainly used to store cat food and make coffee.

edited to add: Just came from Ashley's Blog and other than the hysterical pic of Bailey impersonating an elephant (or, really, the letter she wrote to him) she gave me a great idea for the stitch pattern of my frogged scarf - socks! It would be perfect for socks.

Speaking of socks, Curlie Girl is knitting what the Norwegian Socks are supposed to look like. Not white and green. Also, I would bet good money she doesn't have the dreaded dpn seam line down the sole of the foot as evidenced here:
In my defense, it is the oldest UFO I have. I'm not really sure why I picked those colors though.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Computers Continue To Hate Me But There is Light.....

Yeah, I know. It's a train.

JenLa was down and apparently suffering their own horrors but YAY! they're back. I continue to suffer horrors of the IRS and passwords and software but I can't even talk about it. I might cry. Or break things.

I did however, last night, after deciding that Nicky Epstein's Knitted Floral Basket would be the perfect thing to whip up for Mrs. Dalloway, go completely insane looking for the Vogue Winter 2004 issue. Now I have all my knitting/needlework magazines sorted and back in chronological order and I only found maybe 15 more projects I absolutely have to start. Current projects? Uh, no progress. Sorting progress. I really ought to catalog my yarn and put it in one place (its stashed in Nordstrom shipping boxes, quilt plastic bags, a basket or two and a few Things You Put Projects In. Purses? Cases? Total blank. Gah. Such an articulate girl.)

Don't forget! Tonight is Dancing with the Stars. For God's sake, quit calling in for Master P. He did much, much better last week (I caught the Friday recap) - it looks like, God forbid, he actually decided to learn the steps and and attempt to dance the dance, but put the poor man out of his misery. My faves of the moment are Jerry Rice and Tia Carrere.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

What the Heck Happened to JenLa?

Someone swooped on their domain name? The world just goes to hell when I'm not on guard, doesn't it? I get one lousy headache (okay, my migraine finally kicked in with such zeal that I was forced to wear eyeshades and earplugs - in a completely empty house - and lay, more or less comatose all freaking day yesterday) and when I return to the land of the living, JenLa is gone. Anyone know where they are or what's happening to their blog?

Heh. Other than that, I've got nada. I finished Mrs Dalloway Monday night, I'm still not done with the scarf (and it looks like it's going to roll despite the seed stitch border, maybe blocking will fix it), still have not done so much an additional stitch on my Dad's vest, or the Ugly Socks, or the Almost Finished (Going on Decades) Sock, or in fact, anything. Of course, the whole comatose thing yesterday, but still.

Won't be joining the Olympic Knitting partially because - who would I be kidding? In my dreams I'd finish anything in 16 days. And partially because I'll probably be working 12-14 hour days by then. Did I already offer excuses......er *cough* reasons, on an earlier post? Yeah, probably. (Note to self. Learn how to do that crossing out thing).

Speaking of work. Here it sits, no helpful little elves doing it in my absence yesterday. Of all the times to be out, this has got to be the worst.

That's blurrier than I expected. Downtown Portland, by the Museum.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Monday, Monday, what good is it?

I suppose it clearly delineates the weekend from work. At least before Tax Season starts and then I only have to work on days that end in "y". Bah. I can't shake this stupid migraine, it goes away, it comes back, I just want it to go away. It's making me hold my head ramrod straight and feel like the Queen of England and we are not amused. I take Maxlt MLT and usually it kicks it out pretty good, but not this weekend. And now I can't even take another dosage for a couple of hours.

In less self pitying news, I got farther on the scarf that I'm trying to finangle into it being my knit part of the Knit the Classics on Mrs. Dalloway , which I am more than halfway through. But it takes place on a day in the middle of June - not exactly scarf weather, presumably even in England, and flowers figure more into the novel. Plus check out the site Knit the classics Pretty, pretty floral knits everyone else is making. I really like the floral bookmark Amanda made. The flower KSD knit looks good too. Maybe I'll pull out one of my copies of Nicky Epstein's Knitting Embellishments book (Oh, by the way Bryan! (my brother) I apologize for accusing you of stealing Nicky's book. I found it. A year later and after I replaced it. I know it's not something you would ordinarily read (or borrow, or steal) (not that you would steal anything) but I think you never really got over me wrecking a couple of your Heinlein books when you were a kid by reading them while tanning and in the bathtub.)

Much, much later in the day. Migraine gone, day over, just had a nice long convo with my bestest friend in the whole world and even after all these years it amazes me how very much alike we are. And how that is such a great thing and can be so bad at the same time! We think and reason practically exactly the same way and sometimes that just works against us. All I know is that my world would suck without her in it.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Willie and the view from the living room window. (Portland. I promise I will someday vist somewhere else or at least stop posting vacation pictures of the same vacation. Someday). Look at that green! Just look at it. Why do I live here? I clearly need to move in with them.

Is that awe inspiring looking, or what? I snapped this while in the Cultural District in downtown Portland. The street signs clearly designated them as such.

This is the "new" version of the scarf. Doesn't look that different, does it? And wonky. I probably should have done a few rows in seedstitch at the beginning but *snap* bygones. That, and blocking. Which reminds me, I want a steamer.

I should also probably pull out and finish that stupid, stupid vest, finish the 800 year old other sock and the cable sweater, the lace stole, sew up its matching tank, finish the baby cashmere cable scarf........what else do I have in my UFO pile?

Anyone living in the Walnut Creek/Pleasant Hill/Concord, etc area, FYI, the Joanne's Fabric stores in the old New York Fabrics on Contra Costa Blvd and the one by the CineArts theater on Monument will be closing. Big sale. I picked up two Vogue patterns for $1.99 ea. You know, among other "savings".

I almost had a shot of a truck with 'WE ARE STILL FREE' emblazoned on it driving home yesterday, but I'm afraid to admit the reason I wanted the shot was because I was sure Teal'c (of Stargate SG1) was driving it. Those Jaffa. (What? You don't watch the SciFi Friday line up? Stargate SG1, Stargate Atlantis and Battlestar Galactica? Tonight new episodes are on, so starting at 8pm you can fix that terrible, terrible oversight).

Too bad I was too mad to take a pic of the mess I made of my office and myself this morning. Let's just say it involved a latte, a white turtleneck, the edge of my computer tower and many, many bad words. I barely got any of the latte either. Grrrrrr.

Oh, my Powell acquistions. Eminent Victorians by Lytton Strachey. River of Time by Igor D. Novikov and Extinct Languages by Johnannes Friedrich .

Currently I'm reading (along with Mrs Dalloway BOTM for Knit The Classics) Ingenious Pursuits: Building the Scientific Revolution by Lisa Jardine and if I didn't have the sneaking suspicion that she would be surprised to discover that I could read! I would enjoy it more.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I forgot I did snapped this this morning! Yep, Chris, nice lot of advertising there. (Camera phones). What, it was two paragraphs? Can you hear me now? Gee whiz.

Isn't that a cool colorway? It came out pretty nicely in that pattern stitch too, but it is no more. I wasn't sure if there was enough yarn left for a decent sized scarf and I didn't like the way the edges looked. So now it is Begin Again with 17 stitches, 6 as edge stitches (seed, my absolute favorite) instead of the 29 pattern stitches originally. Just in case anyone cared.

Another pic from the drive up Hwy 101 - I wish the picture of the rainbow had come out! It was awesome. The rainbow ended right there in the cove. You could see where the pot of gold should have been (didn't see one though. Must have been second or third on the scene.......)

And this is a view from the top of a condo we looked at in Goose Hollow:

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Many, many photos. More than posted in fact, because it turns out posting pictures is a pain.

Here (below, hopefully) [no, it's not.] is the last yarn store I went to in Portland, Lint. It looks way too hip and happening for the likes of me but they were really sweet. And the wool! Portland stocks a lot more wool than I'm used to seeing. And to the right, [or wherever] the interior. See those comfy couches? It's actually a couple of steps up, so it's a little staging area.

Abundant Yarns is so spacious. I saw the coolest felted tote there. And they have coffee! I had a latte and a bowl of the best asparagus soup. The centerpiece at the table I sat at was a basket of magazines (knitting and otherwise) That would be Sue standing in front. At Lint? She's waiting in the car. Truck. Mini-mini van. Vehicle.

The coffee shop at Powell's. I want to live there.

I did only buy 3 books. Eminent Victorians, something non fiction about time travel and a book on dead languages (don't think I won't be going home and posting the names and authors either but for now, I just can't remember). I put together an Excel list of books I read in 2005 earlier in the year and I was a little shocked to see that it only numbered 50ish books. Shocked because, what, I'm on a quota? Shocked because, wow, only 50? I must not have my nose buried in a book as much anymore. It does take me longer to read non fiction for some reason and almost all of the Book Club books take me forever to get through even if I in fact, picked them out, or am enjoying them! It must be shades of Assigned Reading from High School English. Or a testament to my lack of follow through.

And this strapping young man is Willie. He was so cute. Couldn't stand to be picked up much less, God forbid, held, but while I would be knitting on the couch, he would sit behind me on the table, just out of reach.
There's the infamous ugly sock combo he's checking out. Notice how he has turned his head so as not to laugh directly into my face. Manners are such a good thing. That huge tote would be my everyday purse, the post it note on the spiral notebook is a list of knitting & used bookstores in my area. I think it's been on there for years.

The drive up (yes, these pictures are reverse order. Is there a way to post several pictures at once? And if not, some day I'll remember LIFO)

All these are somewhere on Hwy 101 before Cresecent City, CA, which, for the first time I can remember, had blue skies. Beautiful. Normally I don't bother to take coastal pictures since I once tried to scrapbook my photos over the years and discovered - the coast looks fairly similar in most places and all years. It does.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Back From Portland (OR)

And I cannot believe that I have never been to Powell's before. I thought I had, I'd heard about it certainly, but no, I had never been there before. Anyone who loves books? Drop what you're doing immediately and go there. Now. I'll wait.

They not only had books (multiple copies even) by Robert J. Sawyer and Jonathan Carroll (my current Search For authors) but Conrad Haynes (a mystery series about Professor Harry Bishop that no one carries anymore and is probably long out of print). And everything else. I was good. I only bought.....three books, I think. Good thing too, because I ended up flying home instead of driving back. But it was mostly because I had brought 3 books with me and all those TBR books on my shelf already..........oh yeah, and my resolution! Not to buy new books. Yeah, that's what did it. My NYE resolution. Ha. I mean, yes.

And I bought a coffee cup and a tote from Powell's. And a latte. But then I bought lattes everywhere. Powell's and everywhere else. Coffee People. I love that name.

Lots of yarn stores! I dragged Sue to a couple of them, even in she did sit outside in the car at the third one. Some people. Pictures tomorrow, or tonight when I download 'em. I knitted a partial sock and ripped it back (wait until you see the colors I chose, and then the 3rd color I almost used when I ran out of one - lets just say that "clash" would be kind and "ugly" would be true) and started a scarf with some stitch I picked out of the Harmony Guide that looked easy (it was) and pretty (is is) but possibly the ball of yarn is not going to be enough for the length I want.........

They have some gorgeous home dec shops. I went into one called the Pearl Retriever and the poor saleswoman. There was a pet shop attached to the main store and I was petting the .......hey, a golden retriever! I don't know if the retriever was Pearl or if that's the district I was in (I think it's the district) and anyway, the poor woman tries to make polite conversation with me and asks me if I have a pet, and what do I do? I burst into tears and tell her "I used to." I felt so bad for her because she looked like she wanted to simultaneously hug me and shove me out of the store which would be pretty much my reaction, you know?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Argh. Just argh.

Me and that gull. Biting off more than we can chew.

That vest? Not a prayer for this birthday. (Tomorrow). It turns out that knitting is not quite like sewing and in either case, the shoulder lines should match which these don't. Not even close. Whoops.

The boot socks in progress......notice the fabulous use of color!

I did finish a baby shoe. Shoe. Well, almost. There are tires and a license plate and the other foot to go.......

Frameshift (the book pictured) was pretty good. I'd never heard of Robert J. Sawyer before, which is great because he's got a few books out. I picked up his Hominids, which will be next up after State of Fear by Michael Crichton and, of course, Tess of the D'Urbervilles which I am sorely tempted to skim but can't seem to so I seem to be .........watching reruns of Stargate SG1 instead.

I'm packing Mrs. Dalloway to take on my trip (along with the aforementioned State of Fear) because it's the January Knit the Classic selection and it doesn't have the baggage Tess has for me. I liked Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse but I think that's the only book of hers I've read.

Monday, January 09, 2006

I Finished Something! And wove in the ends and everything!

I think this means the Apocalypse has begun.

But I did! I finished a pair of socks. Oh sure, I realized about an inch into the knitting of the instep of the 2nd sock why one should line up the decreases, but that was a fairly easy fix and the twisted foot is hardly annoying at all. ;) No, probably the only people who would notice is someone who knows how to knit socks - and how many of those can there be? I don't even see it. (Or feel it. It's fine. Really. Or I'd've ripped it out. Maybe. It was only a stitch off.)

But I finished a pair! And they fit! So I cast on another pair. I'm going to need wool socks in Mt Hood this weekend. It's a long drive.

The vest is knitted, blocked and dried and all I have left now is to seam and border it. (Border it? Hey, if I can do lunch, I guess I can border a sweater.) Of course I have to have this done by Dad's birthday on Wednesday and I'm leaving for Portland at 5am Wednesday.....but hey. Other than working all day today and tomorrow and seeing Casanova with Sheri tomorrow night (a must) and sewing up the polarfleece jacket I want to bring (and matching hat)........plenty o' time.

In distressing news, Kenny Mayne was the first voted off of Dancing With The Stars. I'm really bummed about that. He wasn't very good, but he did try.

In happier news, a new House is on tonight! Hugh Laurie. Robert Sean Leonard. Fox network, 9pm.

Oh wait a minute. Today is Monday, not Tuesday. A new Two and A Half Men. And half of a new Las Vegas.

Hezekiah snuggled up in the plastic wrappers. Doesn't that seem unsafe? She's given it up for a chiropractic pillow and some towels on a lawn chair (not pictured.

In the interests of finishing *everything in the approximately three free hours I have left, I crawled out of bed at 4:30 this morning. This is pretty close to my normal crawling out of bed time except lately. Lately I've been getting up - heck, I've been waking up at 8:30am. The day is practically over!

*Everything: the polarfleece jacket I want to bring - I just need to sew it up. I did make one yesterday, but evidently I'm not as fat as I thought. So, new jacket. I wanted to use the black polarfleece anyway.

Matching polarfleece cap.

Polarfleece turtleneck (Polarfleece patterns are easy).

Knit another pair of wool socks (well, bring them along.)

Finish vest. (Check!) Seam vest (uh, not yet). Knit border on vest (uh, not yet).

Friday, January 06, 2006

Dancing With The Stars

It's like watching a train wreck or conversely very entertaining. I love the ones that just go for it, kind of the way Kenny Mayne did. Felt like a fool, or really, was afraid of looking foolish, but he looked great. I'd've given him much higher marks. Kenny Mayne's Blog. Master P only had a week and stepped in replacing his son, but honestly, he should have just gone for it. He would have looked much less ridiculous. Poor Ashley. Going from a NKOTB to a block of wood.

Tatum O'Neal had the same problem as Master P, she did not want to look ridiculous. Don't go on a competitive reality dance program then. She was dizzy already? Not to mention Kelly Monaco had a much harder time last season and persevered (although I don't think KM should have won originally).

Lisa Rinna and her partner weren't half bad. George Hamilton was as smooth as I expected, even with 4 cracked (or broken ribs). John O'Hurley might have been copying GH last season, but George is one of the originals.

Jerry Rice did good.

I heard that David Carradine was in the studio audience! I didn't see him at all.

In knitting news, did I finish the other sock yet? Nooooo, but I'm carrying it around in my purse. It does not appear to be knitted by the sock elves. Lazy sock elves.

Is the (no longer Christmas but a [January, of course] Birthday Vest done? No, but I only have the upper vest on the .....right (or possibly left) side to go. I forgot to shape the neckline originally. And about buttons and buttonholes. Or consider that I was adding a border and so might want to make it a teensy bit less wide to accomodate said border. Designing is hard. I think I'd rather ballroom dance.

But not on national TV.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Tagged. Gee, thanks, Chris

List 5 weird things about yourself, tag five other people to do the same, and then comment on their blogs that they have been tagged. Have fun! Sweet of Chris, no? No?

Huh. Only 5?

1. I was born with a cataract in my left eye, so I had cataract surgery at the ripe old age of seven, waaaay before laser surgery. It's also same day out-patient surgery nowadays. Ha! I was in Children's Hospital for 3 weeks.

2. I read at stoplights. Personally I do not find that weird at all, but I have had numerous comments from other drivers. What? It's not like I'm talking on a cell phone while putting on mascara in the rear view mirror.

3. I hold open doors for people. I occasionally want to smack them in the head with the door, but for the most part people look surprised and grateful.

4. I hate to shop. Run in, either get what I want/need and leave.

5. I tape the various televised college programs like Chemistry, Earth, The Universe, Literature etc from one of our local PBS stations (KCSM, Channel 43) and watch them while I knit.

My five victims will be chitta'vrtti, Gromit Knits, Mim, Corrie and Aven. I think they've all commented either on my blog or to a comment I made on theirs. Or - hello! I read your blog all the time. Tag!

And in other exciting news, I finished one gray sock during continuing ed the last couple of days (and am almost done with the ribbing on the 2nd one!) I even did a round heel without directions (because the pattern I was using called for seaming the heel flap together lengthwise and using that as the bottom of the heel - uh, yuck. For one thing, great place for a seam [sarcasm] and for another, the entire lure and purpose of knitting socks is heel-turning. (Don't tell me that's #6 on my weird list). Okay, I still have to seam the toe together.

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Cause more road rage.

Get your resolution here

Oh, that is just too, too easy. I'll finish the chapter.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Oh. Boy. A new year. Yippie Skip

My hollandaise sauce curdled this morning. (Because I made it before the eggs were done and then let it sit. Don't do that.) And then I was advised on how to make it. It's one of my specialties. (Anything that requires me to hover over the stove anxiously I'm fairly good at. It's the stuff you can walk away from that generally requires a smoke alarm to remind me of it.)

Not to mention, I hate criticism of any kind in the kitchen. (Okay, at all, under any circumstances.) Mike cooked for us exclusively after he told me he had a "better" way of making grilled cheese sandwiches. At that point, I had out butter, bread and cheese. He meant mayonnaise instead of butter, which, whatever. He made them. I left the kitchen. I do dishes. Come to think of it, Earl did all the cooking too, pretty much from the time he said to me "Your turn to make dinner, okay?" and I made peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Hey, I lived on peanut butter.

This is how my new year will go? Ransacking my desk for the cable scarf pattern I'd written on 3x5 cards, I found several of Sheba's insulin syringes, some kitty treats and some old old pictures, so add hysterical sobbing to today. At least it was after breakfast. Wait, that's laughing. Laugh before breakfast, cry before supper? Or just cry.

It's my first new year without Sheba. True, it's not like we had a ritual or anything, and I would bet good money she probably didn't get more than a late, late breakfast out of me on a few of 'em, but it's the first year she hasn't been with me since 1986. I feel like I'm just Not. Not Sheba's mom. Not quite myself. Not a stranger. I'm just Not. I can't remember if I felt like this when Earl and I got divorced. I know I had a panic attack right after we got married (as in, I was pulling out of our driveway and I thought to myself "What the hell have you gotten into?" and the whole world went gray with very, very bad cable reception. Yeah, driving. Luckily stopped. More luckily, my vison cleared. But sheer panic.) When we got divorced, I had actually packed up my books a week earlier. He didn't notice. This is sort of like wandering into your local library and finding no books. Something isn't right. Hello? Hello? Sheba and I went to my parents house after leaving him a note about 2 in the afternoon. I felt horrible about it all day and most of that evening, but you know how some people dabble in recreational drugs as a phase? Not a phase with him and not exactly how I wanted to spend my life.

By 6am the next morning, when he called, there wasn't a hope in hell I'd've gone back, but I don't think I could have left him in the first place if it wasn't best for him and Sheba. (Best for him, as in, you want to kill yourself? Do it on your own time. Don't make me help by putting a roof over your head, food in your mouth and stuff to steal and sell. He hocked my old manual typewriter for $7. Bet he couldn't get even that much today.)

Oh! Not to mention I woke up with a migraine which seems TERRIBLY UNFAIR, since this year I was in bed by 10pm and completely asleep by 11pm. I didn't even have so much as a sip of alcohol. (Unfair in comparison to prior New Year's Eve parties where I had my share and probably yours too) .

So all in all, I think I'm going to grab some knitting and a book on tape, kidnap Hezekiah from next door and wallow in my misery until hopefully even I get tired of it. If not? Tune in tomorrow for more self pitying! 364 days to go!